Life After 50: December 2009

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Out With The Old

So what are your New Year's plans? I will have sauerkraut, of course. I doubt I will stay up for midnight. My main plan is to clear my head to prepare for the new year. I'm excited to sit down with my affirmations this evening and work on my list of goals. It is something I've been doing New Year's evening for several years. This year I'm thinking of working up a bucket list for life in general along with my goals for just the next year. Maybe I'll post the bucket list here, or maybe I'll make it a separate blog. We'll see. Until next year...

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new year, bucket list, goals

Feeling Worthless

Image via Wikipedia

12/26/09

Okay, so the Christmas frenzy is over; now things can get back to normal. It was nice to spend the holiday with my daughter, even though we don't really do much special. We went to a Chinese buffet; that's our Christmas tradition.

I still don't have a job. I'm really too depressed to even try to look. If I go too long without working or being active and social, I start to feel like I'm terribly incompetent and worthless. Add the fact that I've had only the one call for a job interview out of all the applications I did, and it starts to seem hopeless.

My strategy right now is to focus on my online marketing endeavor, and to apply for seasonal jobs for this summer. It should be much easier to get a seasonal job since they are accustomed to their employees having spotty work records. I didn't want to do that again because I don't want to live dorm-like with a bunch of 20-somethings, but I can't be picky at this point. I'm even applying in areas other than where I really want to go.

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job search, seasonal job, self-esteem, depression,

A Mouse in the House

12/3/09

When I was camped on BLM land, I picked up a housemate. I'd been sharing the van with a mouse ever since. I could hear it skittering around in the headliner. I could hear it creeping out and nibbling on everything at night. There were lentils and pasta everywhere! Finally, here at my daughter's house, I was able to pull everything out of the van and set a trap. It took a couple days, but I finally caught the critter. Then I had the task of dumping lentils out of my shoes and shaking them out of all my clothes. Maybe I should have made lentil soup.

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van dwelling, rodents

Monday, December 28, 2009

I Throw In The Towel

12/1/09

It all finally got to me. Not finding a job, having no place for privacy, the difficulty using the internet when I wanted, the boredom after dark, the nightly search for a place to sleep, the expectation of being chased out of my overnight spot... I just got tired of it all and started getting depressed. I didn't want to live in the van anymore. I hit the road east to my daughter's house. I will live with her, probably until spring. I am sad about it. I really wanted the grand experiment to work. I feel like I'm a failure.

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van dwelling, change, depression

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I Feel Exposed All The Time

11/25/09

Back when I lived a regular life, I'd get off work or finish whatever errands I had in town, then get in the car and go home. It was a sort of closure to the day, a transition from exposure in the outside world to the comfort and safety of the cocoon. I don't have that now. I finish errands, get in the van, and wonder, "Well, now what?" I don't have anyplace to go where I can block out the world. There's no "end" to my day, and I'm left with a constant vague sense of expectation, as if there's something else I'm supposed to do. No wonder I feel tired.

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van dwelling,

I Take A Vacation

11/22/08

I had a refreshing weekend retreat. I headed 7 miles out of town to camp on BLM land. It was so nice to not have to worry about where I was hanging out or where I'd sleep at night. For 3 nights, I never moved the van. I didn't brave the cold to take a bath or wash my hair all weekend. I did some hiking and a lot of writing. I got the major framework for 8 pieces done! Sunday afternoon, when the van was nice and toasty in the sun, I took a bath. I really enjoyed the get-away. I'm going to try doing it every weekend.

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van dwelling,

Friday, December 18, 2009

Creative Bathing

Image via Wikipedia

11/20/09

I've changed the way I clean up in the van. I tried spritzing my hair in the morning to tame the bedhead, but it just doesn't work; it absolutely must be washed. But it's too cold to take a bath in the morning. So I bathe in the evening and wash hair in the morning. It's cool enough now that my water won't heat on the sunny dashboard, so I'm using the stove to heat bath water. It gets so chilly as soon as the sun goes down, some days I don't even take a bath. I'm not doing anything to get dirty and sweaty. On those days I just sit in the tub and wash the bottom side, then wash my feet.

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van dwelling, shower,

A Good Thing And A Bad Thing

11/18/09

I had an interview this week, at Beall's Outlet store. That's the good thing -- even though the position is only 10-15 hours a week, and he was interviewing lots of people.

The bad thing is I got kicked out of Walmart. The security guy came by just as I was leaving this morning and asked me not to sleep there. Said it was a liability issue. I didn't argue -- no point to that -- but wouldn't the same liability exist with someone who stays just one night on their way through? I was only there two or three nights a week. There goes my best overnight spot -- and they had the best light for reading in the parking lot. Now I'll have to hunt up some new spots. I was just getting comfortable hanging out in the van for hours in parking lots. Now I feel like everyone is watching me. I'm afraid I'm going to start getting hassled everywhere. It's like starting all over. I'm fighting the urge to go hide in a motel.

This evening I put the van on the road and drove. Just drove. I went out of town one direction, turned around and drove back to the other end of town. I'm tired of trying to find a place to be. I'm tired of sitting with nothing to do for hours because it gets dark before 6 pm and my light isn't very good. I don't want to do this any more.

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van dwelling, job search,

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I Made Money Online!

I'm so excited! I made money from one of my affiliates on my Squidoo pages! It's not a lot, but it's a start. That's all it takes -- just start. The first little successes will keep you excited and working toward your goal. And while it does take work and some patience, it's not that hard. Anybody can build FREE Squidoo pages and make money online. For a jump-start, download the free guide to making a Squidoo lens and learn how to make your own free Squidoo pages.

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squidoo, online marketing, making money, earn income, affiliate

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I Hiked The Appalachian Trail

11/16/09

I opened up my book (the book I wrote about my Appalachian Trail hike) this afternoon to get a passage for a piece I was writing, and I couldn't put it down. I can never just pick up the book and look at it; if I read a sentence, I'm enthralled, and I want to keep reading the whole book. Yes, I lived it and I wrote it. I know how it starts, I know what happens, and I know how it ends. But I read the beginning, and I cry. I read episodes throughout, and I'm instantly back there; I see it plain as day. I read the end, and I cry again. I'm sure it's just because it was such a meaningful event in my life, but, dang it, it's really good writing, too! Sometimes I can't even believe I wrote it, it's so good. Why can't I do that anymore? It must have something to do with passion for the subject

Anyway, enough horn-blowing. Read My Own Hike for yourself and see what you think.

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books, International Appalachian Trail, backpacking,

No Diving

Image via Wikipedia

11/14/09

I went into Walmart early this morning to replenish my banana supply, but there weren't any in the bin. A plastic-wrapped pallet of full banana boxes sat nearby, waiting to be unloaded. I could have asked an employee to help me get a bunch but I knew they would be too green, and I wanted to eat one for breakfast. No bananas in my oatmeal today.

I knew where all the ripe bananas had gone. As I left, I saw an employee transferring all sorts of breadstuffs into a cart, bound to join the bananas. It just makes me sick to know how much perfectly good food gets thrown into the dumpster, especially after encountering that hungry guy last night. What makes it worse is that at some places -- and always at Walmart -- the food and other discards go directly into a fully enclosed compactor so there's no chance of salvaging anything.

If there's any good dumpster diving in this town, I haven't found it. Granted, during the best diving hours I just want to be snuggled under my blankets, so I haven't tried very hard. But on my daylight drive-bys, all the dumpsters I've seen are locked and/or very visible. I'm still very new to this activity, so I'm pretty intimidated and I haven't found anything. Oh, yes -- I did dive the recycle bin for a 2-liter bottle to make a funnel, but that's like shooting a sitting duck. I admire people like Secret Freegan, who donates salvaged food to homeless shelters.

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food, walmart, dumpster diving, freegan, recycling

Passing It On

11/13/09

I came out of Taco Bell last night, and a homeless guy was sitting by the door with his dog. Was the "homeless" part an assumption? Maybe, but he was rumpled, filthy, and unkempt. As I walked by, he said the dog was his best friend and added that they were hungry. I got in my van and locked the door...then stopped. I remembered backpacking in Quebec, when someone heard me say I was hungry and gave me the lunch he had packed for work. It was time to do my part. I rummaged in my food box. Not much there that doesn't require cooking or a can opener, but I walked back to the door and handed the guy my last banana. Pay it forward.

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homeless, food, pay it forward

Getting Organized In The Van

11/12/09

Yesterday was Veteran's Day and the library was closed. Since I couldn't be on the internet all day, I considered it a mini-vacation from work. I used the time to change a few things in the van. I adjusted the clothes rod so my clothes wouldn't hang above the foot of the bed. I changed the way I hang my shower curtain, so it now hangs 6 inches closer to the side wall. Just those two things made it feel so much more spacious. Then I strung some bungees to hold the clothes I've worn once and intend to wear again before washing. With the clothes folded over the bungees, they stay in place and out of the way. I also organized and straightened the things I keep stashed on the passenger side floor. It feels so much better in here now. It's taken me 2-1/2 months to figure out how to arrange things better. If you're just starting out in van dwelling, don't over-think or over-engineer your space. It takes some time for things to shake into the places where they will be most accessible for the way you live in your vehicle.

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van dwelling, organizing

How To Get Ahead

11/9/09

I finally decided there's a reason I'm not finding a job. The Universe is giving me the opportunity to really work at this internet marketing idea; if I had a job, I wouldn't have the time. So I'll still do job apps, but I'll primarily focus on my marketing. It wasn't going so well at first, but I've found something that really helps: One Week Marketing. At last -- a plan! I knew nothing about online marketing, search engine optimization, getting backlinks. I was just trying to learn it as I went. And I did learn a bunch, but it was slow and so confusing. I couldn't put it all together. One Week Marketing lays it all out, step-by-step, one day at a time, and it helps me stay focused. I'm excited again!

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job search, online marketing, earn income, internet, , one week marketing

I'm A Success

11/5/09

I got to feeling a little depressed today about not finding a job and not being able to get my internet business up and running very fast. Whenever I get like that, I do something that helps me feel like I have a little control in my life -- I organize. So I'm in the van, sorting and moving things around, and I come across something I wrote awhile back. It was a blurb for my 25th class reunion book, back in 2002. Read why I'm a success.

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van dwelling, job search, success

It's Too Dark In The Winter

11/2/09

The weather warmed back up nicely, but it's starting to get dark before 6 pm. That makes it hard to read in the van. The library closes too early to be any help. I've found that if I park just right at Walmart, the light comes in the back window well enough to read. It's hard to do much else in the dark -- cooking, organizing.... Sometimes I end up going to bed at 8:00. I don't like burning up batteries for light, but I do have a solar-charged flashlight that works really well after sitting on the dashboard all day.

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van dwelling, solar

I'm A Real Person For Awhile

Image via Wikipedia

11/1/09

I housesat for my friends over the weekend. I was beside myself. I went shopping and bought perishable food. I cooked real meals in a real kitchen. I took real showers. I felt positive and happy, and people in the stores seemed to respond with smiles; when I'm van dwelling people seem to look at me with suspicion. Or is that just my imagination?

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van dwelling,

Some Things Don't Make Sense

10/28/09

Three pancakes at McDonald's is $3.49, but a sausage McMuffin -- with meat, an egg, and cheese -- is only $1.79. What's up with that?

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food, mcdonalds,

More Computer Issues

10/27/09

The internet at the library was down today, so I went to the college. Tech support helped me get it working, but it kept disconnecting. I was patient with it beyond my usual limit, but then I got the blue screen of death. Twice. I couldn't deal with it anymore at that point, so I shut it down and left. I don't know why that would have happened. I'm not that computer literate, and I'm trying not to fret. I'd be lost without my laptop.

I don't know how long I can park at Walmart without getting booted. Maybe indefinitely, but who's to say? I'm not sure where else to go. I asked at K-mart; I don't think they really care, but they couldn't guarantee that the cops wouldn't chase me out. This is the hardest part about van dwelling -- the uncertainty. I like having a place to be.

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van dwelling, internet, walmart,

Starting The Job Search

Image via Wikipedia

10/26/09

Last night got so chilly I had to use my down comforter. I even lit my camp stove to see how much it would help. It took the edge off really quick. It's not something I want to do very often, though. I need to save my fuel for cooking and heating bath water.

This morning was so cold I didn't want to wash my hair in the van. I did it in the bathroom at McDonald's. Then I cruised down the strip and applied for work at several motels. I'm excited that they're accepting applications. They weren't when I tried in Florida, and that was really discouraging.

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van dwelling, job search, keeping warm

Internet Options

Image via Wikipedia

10/25/09

I'm working out a system for internetting. The library has limited hours, of course, and not very many tables by outlets. It also has the loudest employees of any library I know. The coffee shop has goofy hours, $3.00 coffee, and small tables. The visitor center has 24/7 wifi, but no place to sit and plug in. The community college has the best set-up and hours, but I couldn't get the wifi to work, even with my new "n" standard card. Flying J has wifi, $5 for 25 hours. That's 24 hours of elapsed time, not of usage; for the best deal there, don't go to sleep. I will probably end up going back to the college and contacting their tech support to get that working.

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van dwelling, free wifi,

On The Road Again

10/24/09

I tucked tail and backtracked, away from the casinos and back to Arizona. As soon as I reached this town, I felt better. I like it here. It's big enough to have everything I need, but small enough to negotiate traffic easily. It has a new section with all the popular chain stores and a historic section with interesting things to see. The interstate is right here; there are mountains and places to hike. And I have friends here -- they keep trying to get me to stay with them, but I don't want to impose. I still want to attempt this grand experiment in the van.

There's supposedly no overnight parking at Walmart, but last night I counted ten overnighters besides me. Actually, the sign says no camping -- and we're all just parking.

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van dwelling, walmart, arizona

I Hit The Road

10/23/09

I couldn't live in the van Florida. The humidity was just too oppressive. I liked the town and hated to leave, but I couldn't even get any sleep in that heat. I headed west. I said I wouldn't go, but I should have known better. The desert pulled me back. I couldn't get to the arid lands fast enough. After a couple sticky days traveling along I-10, I had to get a motel room just so I could be comfortable enough to sleep all night. Along the way I thought I would stop in west Texas to climb Guadalupe Peak.

Finally I reached New Mexico and spent a week with my daughter so I could re-group and figure out what to do next. I was getting discouraged that none of my ideas and plans were working out the way I expected.

The next stop was a casino area in Nevada. I'd read that the money was good in casino jobs, and that overnight parking in their lots was free. I was excited again -- it would be a completely different atmosphere for me, and I just knew it was going to work out. But I was shot down again. In order to get an overnight permit, the vehicle has to be a self-contained RV. I couldn't sleep there in my van. The Walmart didn't allow overnight parking, either. Now I was depressed. I could tell I wouldn't really be happy working at a casino -- they're so loud and garish and smoky. And although the town was okay, I didn't like it well enough to stay and struggle to find work and places to sleep. Now what?

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van dwelling, desert, texas, guadalupe peak, casino

Moving On

Image via Wikipedia

10/5/09

So I cranked up the van and drove 425 miles farther south to Florida. I never wanted to live in this state, but here I am. This town is smaller than the one I just left, and it feels so much better. The Chamber of Commerce was out of town maps, but I managed to find Walmart and the library. The library's set-up for using the wifi is better, except the table is only big enough for two and the connection was really slow.

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van dwelling,

You Can't Go Back

10/4/09

I considered going back west, to the place I was the last time I was truly happy -- four years ago. But my job that paid so well isn't available anymore, and there's really nothing else close by except gas stations.

It's probably better anyway to not try to go back, to not try to recreate that happiness. Too much has changed. I've just been feeling so lonely lately. I miss the crew from that year.

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hot springs

Making Decisions

10/3/09

When I planned this van dwelling experiment, the idea was to do it in a place where I wanted to eventually live. That way, I could start getting established in the community even before I was ready to buy a homestead. I knew I wanted to go to the southeast, so I did some research online and picked a small town that seemed to fit my needs.

Well, as I've said, I don't like this town. Since I don't like it, I haven't tried very hard to find a job. I don't know what to do. I don't have confidence in my ability to pick a town now.

I decided that right now it's more important to get an income started. So if being where I want to settle isn't an issue, I can go anywhere. I might as well go farther south where it's not as cold in the winter. I can find a town with streets in a grid pattern where I won't get lost all the time. I can find a town that is easier to van dwell in.

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van dwelling

Friday, December 11, 2009

Squidoo

10/2/09

The reason internet is so important to me is because I write content at Squidoo. It's a place to earn income from writing pages about your interests. I'd like to be able to earn enough so I don't have to get a job, though it will take a lot of work before that happens. It's not a get-rich-quick endeavor; I'm treating it more like a business and working hard at it. It's lots of fun, and the Squidoo community is very friendly and helpful. I've never done anything like this before, so I'm learning a lot.

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squidoo, online marketing, earn income

Suffering For Internet

10/1/09

I checked the McDonald's for outlets. There aren't any, so cross that wifi possibility off the list. The library does have a couple days when they are open until 9 pm. I've been spending a lot of time there, but there's only one spot where I can plug in the computer. It's freezing there! The other side of the library is warm, but there's no place to sit and plug in. Also, the table where I work is higher than normal, and the cushioned chair seats are so worn out there's actually a deep depression in the center of each one. My back always hurts when I leave there.

I actually prefer to take the laptop into Huddle House. I decided if I eat really cheap during the day, I can get a solid dinner there and then use the wifi until bedtime. They keep it really cold in there, too. And smoking is still allowed in some restaurants here, so I leave with a headache.

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internet, free wifi, huddle house

Trying To Settle In

9/27/09

I found free wifi at Huddle House, and they have one table by an outlet. I can't use the wifi every day and not buy something to eat, though. And I sure can't afford to eat there every day, especially while I'm not working. I would have checked for outlets at McDonald's -- it's cheaper to eat there -- buy they weren't open until 7:00. I hope it's that late only on Sundays.

I spent some time today driving around town and locating things I might need. What a confusing place! There are a couple of different bypasses, and they all seem to have a collection of the same businesses. I couldn't tell where I'd already been. I did find the new library -- they're just starting to build it. I hope it has longer hours than the old one.

I found some shade at a park. I could refill my water jugs there, but it's a long carry to the van. There were outlets, too, but also a long way form the parking. I may be able to do some grilling there, and there's a walking path for exercise.

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free wifi, mcdonalds

Free Wifi Search

The beach vacation is over, and the van dwelling adventure begins for real. I don't like the town I'd picked for this. The streets are confusing. I drove back and forth about six times looking for the library -- and I'd even been there before! I finally found the Walmart area. I hate to admit I feel more at home there. The downtown might be strange, but the big-box area looks like any other town.

When I planned this adventure, I expected to have a second battery for a power source in the van. I didn't have the time or money to put that together, so I took off with no power. I have battery-powered lights and a solar flashlight, and I can charge my phone in the cigarette lighter, but the laptop is another story. Its battery is only good for about 30 minutes, so I need to plug in to do any amount of work online. That's another kink in the plan, as I was hoping to catch some free wifi in a parking lot somewhere.

So I'm on the search for places with wifi and outlets. The library closes at 5:30; that won't be much help once I start working. A friend gave me access to his account to use McDonald's wifi; but they rarely have outlets. I haven't checked the ones in this town yet.

I use Free Wifi Directory to find hotspots.

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van dwelling, free wifi, mobile power

Watch Where You Eat

Image via Wikipedia

9/20/09

A cheeseburger and fries at McDonald's is just $2.00. It's hardly worth dragging out the stove and pans for that. Also, a McMuffin and small coffee at a truck stop was $3.37, while the same McMuffin and coffee plus hash browns was $2.75 elsewhere. Of course, I can't eat McDonald's food every day. I'll have to start cooking sometime.

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mcdonalds, food

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Sky Is Falling

9/19/09

I got a couple of battery-operated tap lights. They're not very bright, but they help. I used self-adhesive velcro to attach the lights to the ceiling. Early this morning -- probably around 3:00 -- the one over my head let loose and fell onto the bed. I'm glad it hit my shoulder and not my head.

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lighting, van dwelling

How To Shower In A Van

9/18/09

So here's how I shower; it's really more like a bath. I have a plastic tub just big enough to sit in with my feet outside the tub. I hang a shower curtain from the ceiling to close in the back and sides; I trimmed the length so the bottom stays in the tub even if I bump against it. My soap, water, and towel are all within reach in front of me. I sit in the tub, pour water over my head, shampoo, and rinse. After I towel-dry my hair, I soap my body and rinse by pouring water. I dry off, get dressed, then sit on the bed so I can put my feet in the tub to wash them. Done! I can do it in two liters or less of water. I've rigged up a drain out the side door, so I just empty the tub into the drain.

My method so far is to wash up around 7 pm. It's warmer then than in the morning, and pre-heating the water on the dashboard all day saves fuel. Later this winter I'll have to heat my bath water. Another thing I do is toss my underwear in the tub while I'm bathing. Then I hand-wash them each night. That will save trips to the laundromat. I wait until dark to drain my bath water, and hope no one is walking past the van when I do it.

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shower, van dwelling

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

First Day On The Road

9/17/09
Here I go, embarking on my new van dwelling adventure. It really doesn't count yet, though, since I'm meeting family in South Carolina in a few days for a beach vacation. It's still just traveling. The van is so unorganized. It will take a week or so for things to fall into their places -- as opposed to falling out of their places, which is what they do while I'm driving down the road.

There was a brand new strange noise in the van this morning. I tried not to worry about it. It may just be my load vibrating somewhere.

I didn't travel too far today. These couple of days are my vacation, and I'm taking the time to letterbox along the way. I pulled into a Walmart around 8:30 and tried to arrange things so I could wash up. My first "shower" in the van went okay. I'd solar-heated a liter of water on the dashboard all day, and it was warm enough that I didn't have to heat it on the stove.

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letterboxing, travel

Cooking Experiments

9/11/09

I'm in the adventure solo, and I have no refrigeration, so I'll have to figure out how to do small amounts of food. I love breadstuffs, but I don't want to buy (or have room to store) whole packages. I set out to see if I could bake my own individual breads. Here were the points to consider: I have no oven; I have no space to store large packages of ingredients; I only want to make one or two servings at a time; clean-up is difficult; I need to conserve propane; I don't have money for a camp oven.

I decided to try steam baking. I found a cheese-biscuit mix at the dollar store, which I measured and divided into a two-biscuit portion and added a proportionate amount of milk according to the package directions. I baked them one at a time in an empty tin can set in a pan of simmering water for ten minutes. They ended up moist and crumbly, and I ate them with a fork, but they were delicious! I was even able to cook some green beans in the water at the same time. I'll be experimenting more with this!

Then I wondered, what if I wanted to cook some chicken for just me and no leftovers? I bought a 1-1/2-pound cornish hen and simmered it in a bit of water. Although I could have eaten the whole thing, it was really enough for two people. And it cooked for an hour -- too long to do on a propane canister. Still, I'll keep these little birds in mind.

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cooking, van dwelling